I gave my job 4 weeks notice at the beginning of this month and today they told me that I wouldn't have to continue coming in, because they had my replacement trained. This is what I wanted...what I asked for. I'm in summer school and working another job. What I did NOT want is to be treated like they treated me. First off, pretending like having me stop coming in was THEIR idea. It's pathetic how management, especially of small companies, feel entitlement in putting their employees down. I'm sorry I want to do more with my life than be a hourly-wage manager at some greedy profit-driven company that treats everyone like they are dispensable. I want more than that from my life, and apparently that's enough to be ostracized from the group.
I spent the rest of the afternoon replaying the situation in my head with all of my "you should've said this, and you should've said that." Most of the things are best left unsaid. I followed this with tears. Energy-draining tears. Since then, nothing has seemed to go right. I can't focus on anything but everything I wish I would've said. Which doesn't bode well for a chemistry quiz. I guess I have to call that one a loss. I don't do well with failing things, and today has seemed to be one failure after another. Maybe it's all part of some cosmic plan for me to be a better person. If not, it is some sort of sick joke.
Today had it's ups. It's in these moments of complete breakdown that you figure out who is going to be there for you. Thank goodness for Andrew. He feeds me in almost every situation, good or bad and encourages me to nap when I'm sad. All of my favorite things.
I never thought myself to be much of a blogger, and chances are I won't be very good at it. I've always had diaries and never kept up with them. But with age, I've needed an outlet more and more... so maybe I'll be better at it.
Ryan Bingham, bed, chemistry, work, lab, homework... hopefully, there is more to come.
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